Life is unpredictable but still, its ups and downs are actually blessings in disguise. I would like to share my own experience which is very close to my heart. Although it’s difficult to express in words, I am writing this because it might help someone who is going through the same phase as I have gone through. Here is my story about happiness which is really beyond words but someone can feel it through reading it!
I am not sure who has decided our general life path to live as everyone obeys that and I was not different either as got married at the age of 35 and my life’s aims, aspirations got changed totally. You will say it’s obvious. But for me, it was very much like life was testing me.
Our society has created a norm such as womanhood gets completed when you become a mother. But I believe that womanhood is nature to express various feelings like love, protection or care and motherhood is an expression of love and that really does not depend on whether you deliver a baby or not. I have been really very fond of babies. So, generally when I used to go to meet any of my friends who have got a baby; my default job was babysitting!
As I said, life is unpredictable and my life also was not an exception. I got married to the person I loved who is from a different culture. So it took some time to really establish myself in the new house after marriage. While adjusting to the marital life as time passed, people around me started building up pressure to start a family. Now again, it is one more belief in our culture that without pressurizing couple they don’t go for starting a family and that also only to woman…Something like this started happening to me as well.
After nearly 1.5 years of marriage, I had “good news” as expecting my baby. But my happiness lasted only till 4 weeks and I had a miscarriage after listening to the heartbeats of my baby for the first time. It did not end here. In the next 3-4 years, I had 3 miscarriages of a similar type as it used to grow until heartbeats were formed.
By this time, I was in my 40’s so we decided to go for IVF – and approached the very talented doctor in this field. I told her my history and she accepted my case as a challenge and again gave me new hopes. My first IVF was successful with the news of twins. But this time also it was very heartbreaking for me as I had the same experience of miscarriage after 6 weeks. However, my nature of dreaming and hoping the things could not let me stop. I again went for the second IVF within 2 months after I lost my babies. This time God was kind to me as my baby was growing fine as per the sonographies and multiple tests were done on me. Finally, I completed the first trimester and entered in the safe zone of the second trimester so I started dreaming about my baby and preparation to welcome her.
But destiny had somehow decided to strike me again and again. I lost my bay in 5th month with a rare scenario that happened to me. My baby’s placenta was stuck to the uterus. This time I was completely broken down and it was a life-threatening experience for me as the doctor declared that I would not be able to try any more IVFs so I should go for surrogacy.
In any situation, we do get options available but we need to select proper one thinking by the brain and not by heart as this world makes marketing of anything. We said “No” to surrogacy and decided to go for the adoption of a baby.
Adoption – for someone it is a noble work or kindness shown to an orphan baby who is having a miserable life but for me, it is just a matter of happiness and expression of pure love.
After waiting for almost 2 years we got a bundle of joy in our life – Anusha & Adheesh!
So I again started believing in miracles as it does happen in a different form than expected but happens in most Pure form. When I touched my babies for the first time, I got the same feeling as any other woman might feel it when she touches her baby after delivery. For me, this was amazing experience which can only be felt by the heart.
Now today, I am completely contented and happy in my life as these 2 angels filled up all emptiness of my world with their cute smile as if we all are made for each other. When they hold my hands and hug me then the only thought that comes to my mind is that God is really great as he met us in this form of my kids.
I can only experience that the bond I am sharing with my babies is a very special bond of pure love as they accepted my motherhood and I accepted their innocent love which is infinite. The adoption process changed my perceptive towards life as it took me beyond all the margins set by the world like religion, caste, blood relations, egos and many more…It is just the expression of humanity that helped me to get happiness and spread it.
After all, my babies are my little angels directly sent by God for me! :)
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