Do not go gentle into that good night...

(This article is based on a true-life experience. This is my humble attempt to write the same from that person’s perspective.)

A couple of months before, I was very upset with life. At the age of 21, I was behaving like a grumpy grandma. I was letting out all my stress on the people around me. I was not reacting well to what my life demanded from me. I started to gain weight. There were times when doctors found that my blood pressure was swinging from high to low and vice versa. I had a lot of things going on inside my head. One night when my best friend yelled at me, I broke down in tears. I didn’t know whether I was fed up with my ‘life’ or with my ‘self’.

Next morning, I took a lot of time to think and decided to start with baby steps. I took an extra effort to keep my mouth shut when I was not in a good mood. I knew that things were getting better. I started caring for my health and my body started to embrace the changes inside me.

I took some time out of my schedule for myself. Though occasionally things weren’t in my control, I am proud to say I almost managed well. My life was actually asking me to be smart and responsible and I was not ready to be the same. I am feeling better now and I have a long way before being that really smart. But I think I must share this out with you people.

Before that let me say about myself. I was a lazy, disorganized and an arrogant procrastinator.

I miserably failed in my relationship. I couldn’t get enough of my life.

How did this all happen?

I was living in an imaginary world with my smartphone usage at its peak. I couldn’t enjoy life like my friends. I forgot what reading books felt like. I forgot how to smile genuinely. I desperately craved for attention from people when I sat between them. I started faking a lot of things to be there and to feel the vibe. But I failed to realize that I forgot the art of living. Small things failed to make me happy. I was lost. My family, friends and loved ones were irritated and I couldn’t find the reason.

I was so close to dying from inside. I saw my old age when I was just 21.

All thanks to my friend for knocking some sense into my head. I am still that old lazy person but I keep reminding myself to live. I try to keep all those distractions away. Nowadays, I don’t check my social media accounts that frequently. I am now greedy for life.

After my interaction with my best friend, he gave me the movie ‘Eat Pray Love’. I sat down, watched that movie and fell in love with it. I had this strong wish to feel better like ’Liz’.

In one of the scenes she complains about her life and at that point she realizes from the age of 15 she was meeting guys and dating them but she never realized that she was forgetting to live her life. That dialogue awakened my thoughts. That’s exactly how I missed my life.

Everything started being better from then. I started making my life better. The first thing I did was waking up with a smile. Waking up to a new day and that too with a smile makes your whole day better. Workout helped me to stay healthy and made me feel better both from inside. All gossips were strictly avoided. I made sure that I am watching some fun videos and music.

I strictly avoided all those people who might end up breaking my schedule. I talked to the people around me and kept my phone away. I went back to books and it helped me to stay away from every other distraction. I made sure I am well connected with my people.

The result was so overwhelming.

I could manage a conversation without yelling or crying. My frequent breakdowns reduced. I felt I could breathe freely. I could see my ‘self’. I felt disgusted with my past and accepting it was not an easy task. I absolutely hated the fact that I could not change anything the past. But instead of overthinking and making it complicated, I started reminding my present to be better.

I want independence.

I want dignity.

I want success.

I want to prove my existence in this world but to my ‘self’.

I realized that wishing for all of these is absolutely fine. Rather than seeking attention from others, you should concentrate on your ‘self’.

Live the life that you have. Fight against all odds. Embrace your ‘self’. Don’t accept failure even before you begin your life. Don’t kill yourself. Do not kill the light inside you. Last but not least, “Do not go gentle into that good night”.

“Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at the close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

 -Dylan Thomas

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Law student/Freelance Creative Writer/Blogger